Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
