I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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