I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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