Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
