I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
