Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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