I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
