I cannot find my penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
