I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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