Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
