A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
