he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
