Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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