how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
