no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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