Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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