If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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