the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
