you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
