Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
