Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
