Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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