i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
