My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
