but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
