you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
