Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
