i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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