Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
