These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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