my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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