totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
