Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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