don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
