I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
