Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i out mim tonsoeep
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