i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
