the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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