i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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