He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
