You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
