so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
