seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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