so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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