i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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