So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
