I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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