just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
