Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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