Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan