This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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