Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake