i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk