based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
