if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
