What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
