Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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