Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
