I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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