i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
