i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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