He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
